When something doesn’t go the way we wanted it, like a job slipping through our fingers, a relationship we hoped would last forever suddenly ending or an opportunity we had high hopes for closing its door, our first thought and instinct is always to ask ourselves “Why is this happening to me?”
It feels like a punishment being thrown at us, like something’s being taken away, and somehow, we deserve it. When that feeling hits the usual response is to shut down… emotionally, mentally, sometimes even spiritually.
“Why is this happening to me?”
It’s only human to want comfort; to want control. But when life doesn’t go our way, many of us fall into the trap of turning inward and numbing out just to avoid feeling it. The mind starts negotiating, resisting, rejecting… (Sounds a lot like grief, doesn’t it?)
But what if the very thing we’re trying to push away is the thing that could move us forward?
What if it’s not happening to you… but rather for you?
Blessings don’t always look like blessings at first. Look back at your personal journey and pay attention to your blessings: How many of them actually looked like blessings when you first encountered them? They don’t usually show up wrapped in joy or clarity or ease, they show up in the form of discomfort, sometimes as loss, sometimes as change; most times as challenges. Challenges that force us to slow down, take a hard and honest look at our lives, and ask ourselves real questions.
Those moments when we don’t get what we wanted, when something we wished would last forever ends, or when we’re forced to pivot and let go of something that once defined us hurt a lot, of course, but those moments also crack us open: They create spaces to build, to reform, to evolve… to grow. But only if we allow ourselves to.
Blocking our discomfort is blocking our growth. Every time we mark something as inherently bad, or push things away just to keep our comfort and lifestyle intact, we’re resisting the very process that could transform us. We block our blessings, not because they’re not there, but because they didn’t come up looking the way we expected them to… which raises the question:
“How could we reframe this?”
When we see something and instantly label it as a threat to our comfort, we brace ourselves: We raise our defenses, we build our walls and we shut down. But when we learn to see these things as challenges to grow, everything changes. It’s no longer something to survive, it’s something to grow through. So, the question becomes:
“Is this challenging my comfort, or is it challenging me to grow through it?”
Often, they’re one and the same, but the way we frame it completely changes things: Growth is often disguised as hardship. Something powerful happens when we stop asking “Why me?” and start asking “What for?”: That shift alone shows maturity and understanding of the process: We don’t grow in the absence of struggle, but in the willingness to stay open to what the struggle is asking of you. The next time something hits your life sideways, I invite you to take a moment before you react to ask those questions first.
In all honesty, we all learn one way or another that life will challenge us, whether we’re ready for it or not. But if it’s challenging us, it means we’re up to take the challenge: most times, the only way is through it.
When we choose to look away and escape it, we stay in the safety of our comfort zone, holding onto our “status quo”… but if we choose to face it, to be present with the discomfort and trust the process, we become the kind of men who grow from the struggle, not just survive it: The hammer may shatter the glass, but it also forges the steel.
Don’t block your blessings just because they make you uncomfortable.
Let your life shape you. Let your discomfort teach you. Let your growth surprise you.
Because we never know: that thing you’ve been resisting…
might be the very thing that takes you exactly where you need to go.